Helmet Heartache

It doesn't seem to matter how hard I try, I seem unable to protect my children from all danger and suffering. I've joked about needing to put them in a padded room...especially as my sons were learning to walk and wobbling into doors and furniture. The joke no longer seems as funny as I discussed Little M's recent spills with my pediatrician and she discussed the possibility of putting her in a helmet. I thought to myself...don't most kids fall sometimes or throw their heads. However, the mother in me knows that it's more with Little M. Her body just gives out on her at times and her head crashes into anything close by. At times it is also her temper that assists it in thrashing into things. I try to keep her surrounded by padding and away from hard objects, but it is impossible to do every seconds, especially when caring for two other children. I will definitely try harder and be even more vigilante as the possibility weighs heavy on my heart. I'm not sure why it hurts so much...but it does...it still does.

As I watched her tonight, fight to pull herself up into sitting using her crib rails as support, I felt amazed and proud. When she tried to go one step further and pull herself to stand, she just didn't have the strength. She cried out in frustration and I cried inside. As she gets older and wants to move and explore, her low tone becomes a more obvious barrier. I am excited to start more therapy in September and work more with Physio on movement. However, it also means more appointments and more tears. The stress of it all has lead me to more sleeplessness and stomach pains and also back to my Bible. It is unfortunately when I am at my end that I finally really talk things over with God and take the time to study His promises. As I opened up the Bible tonight, He was faithful...as always...and I found verse after verse to comfort my broken spirit. He promises to be my rock. I don't need to have the strength to deal with it all, He does...and He is always with me. It doesn't always take the pain away, but it does provide comfort and the strength I need for the next moment or two.