Accepting Me

I recently joined a new Bible study group at church and attended our first meeting this week without Jeff. I was nervous to be meeting a group of strangers and wanted to make a good first impression. As we were doing icebreakers and trying to learn about each other, I felt compelled to explain that we used to be really supportive in our small groups. We used to provide a lot of practical help to our friends. The leader caught on and said something like, "but who are you now?" I struggled with the question and said, "but I liked being that person...that's who I want to be". This episode threw me off a bit but was expanded on in church this morning during a song. We were singing "Jesus, all for Jesus. All I am and have and ever hope to be. All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender these into your hands." Those may not be the exact words, but they give the idea. I stopped singing with the second part and realized that I am struggling with giving up my ambitions, hopes and plans. I wanted to travel one day when the kids were grown up. I wanted to start a volunteer organization for young moms. I wanted time with Jeff...I want to be his focus again. I want to be a helper...a great friend...save the world. Little M is astounding and I truly believe that I have fully accepted her. I adore that baby girl and cannot imagine life without her. However, today I realized that I was missing a step in the acceptance process...I have not accepted who I am now. Lord, if my plans never come to be...may I still choose joy. May you transform my mind to accept who I am now and to be content in the life that you have given to me. If I am unable to serve others as freely because I am serving the beautiful daughter you have given me, may that be enough. May I be enough in you, Lord.