Finding Balance

I've hesitated to write this blog because I don't have a final thought to tie it up or a conclusion. I think that finding balance is one of the hardest components of any life. I struggle to find balance in meeting the needs of every member of my family including myself. I struggle to find balance with my time and schedule on a whole. How much time do I spend on the children's physical care, physical activity, academic development, playing, creative activities? How much time do I devote to cooking? cleaning? tending the garden? How much time do I spend on the phone? Going out for coffee? Hosting play dates? How much time do I spend on my husband? Myself? Devotions? Not to mention stretching and therapy for Little M. There truly is not enough hours in a day to meet all of these needs despite my attempts or endless lists and planning. I thought I was close to finding balance prior to having a third, but have not even caught a glimpse of it since. That's not even discussing finding balance on a smaller scale...as a parent with discipline...how strict? how permissive? Or with finances...the list can keep going. However, none of these areas of finding balance has been more on my mind than finding balance in my expectations...of myself and the boys, but more so little M.

In an attempt to guard my heart from more pain or disappointment, I think I've lessened my hopes for Little M. I've resigned myself to the fact that my daughter may not walk, that she won't marry and that she'll at least have an EA in class if she attends a public school. If she wasn't only 10 months old there may be some validity to that. However, I realized that I should hope for her like I do for the boys and have expectations of her. She needs to know that I believe in her and will challenge her to be all that God has designed her to be.

I watch the children cry in therapy and struggle with the level to push a child. How important is it for a child to walk? How much are you willing to do or willing to put your child through in the attempt? How many hours of therapy? How many programs do I pursue for her? Finding balance in this realm is proving to be my greatest struggle. I don't know the balance. I don't know that fine line between accepting her and letting her know she is enough just as God made her and pushing her and challenging her to achieve more. I guess that line is tricky with any child. However, with most children you have some markers, some general expectations that can guide you as a parent...from which you alter to your specific child's abilities. For little M, there is no general expectations...it's just a great unknown...scary, but also a little exciting. I still don't have any answers. Every day I ask God for wisdom as I raise these children that He has entrusted to me. Every day I do the best that I can...okay most days...and I pray that despite my lack of answers and my mistakes that they grow to see my love and more importantly Christ's love for them. Maybe the rest isn't so important.