Where Art Thou Balance?...and Niceness?

I struggled today with being nice. As my husband spent four hours bike riding this morning and is preparing to fly to Germany for a week tomorrow, I realized that I may be a little resentful. Resentful of his freedom? His ability to come and go? I'm not really sure. Approaching a year of breastfeeding and 5 years of being a stay-at-home mom, that may be the case. I love being at home with my kids. I love watching them grow and being a very active part in that. I also understand the reason some don't want to be home. It is an endless cycle of work which can be physically and emotionally draining and in which you are never off duty. The teacher in me had dreams of having theme weeks and special science days or cooking days with my kids. I thought I'd be energetic and creative and adventurous as a mom. Instead most days I'm tired, dull, and holding on for dear life. I realize that there are stages and having 3 kids 4 and under is a busy one. I'm still not sleeping through the night, which has proven to be a big factor in my coping ability. However, I wonder how much is perspective? If every morning I reflected on the gift of just being alive that day...would I still struggle so much? I also am finding that as much as I rebel against the "you need time for you" philosophy of life, I'm realizing there is truth to it. Everything in balance. How do I not be a selfish mom, but still take care of myself enough that I can continue to give to my family without being impatient or resentful? I wish there was a magic answer...a set number of hours or an activity that would help with finding that elusive balance I so crave. As the next few weeks bring some big birthdays in my household, I pray that I can lose the grumpy pants and spend way more of my day enjoying the beautiful children I've been entrusted with...it really does go too fast. And take one step closer to finding balance.